That Fault in Our Stars Spoilers

We find out in Amsterdam, after the incredibly romantic kiss in the Anne Frank museum and after they both lose their virginity, that Augustus' cancer is back and it's everywhere. He had been hiding it from Hazel because he didn't want to ruin their trip. He's going to die. His cancer is the kind that has an 80% chance of survival whereas Hazel has a 0% chance. Augustus was supposed to outlive Hazel and it never occurred to her, or me for that matter, that she would outlive him.

I have never met someone going through chemo or been close to anyone with cancer. I only know things about how it makes you feel from things like Grey's Anatomy and from what others have said. I think Green did a wonderful job at describing late stage Augustus. There is no glory in cancer or chemo. Bone cancer is painful and he is on painkillers. His body starts to fail him. I honestly couldn't stop crying. Hazel is with him almost constantly. It gets to a point where her parents try to force her to take some time away from him.

The gas station scene was awful. His pack of cigarettes got taken away so he tried to get another one by driving himself to the gas station. By this point he's already in a wheelchair and he's already lost some control over his body. He can't even keep food down. He calls Hazel in the middle of the night and asks for her help. His G-tube is infected and he needs a hospital. Hazel gets there and calls 911. While they are waiting Augustus has a breakdown. This line made me cry and can still bring tears to my eyes:

"I hate myself I hate myself I hate this I hate this I disgust myself I hate it I hate it I hate it just let me fucking die."

Augustus, the wonderful Augustus who looked at life and wanted to live, was a pitiful boy who was crying and dying. This boy who was so full of life, now dying. It's heartbreaking and cruel and absolutely wonderful written.

The Last Good Day was amazing. Augustus has Hazel and Isaac prepare eulogies. Augustus wants to attend his own funeral and he does. Isaac's eulogy is full of humor and Hazel's is full of love. "You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."

The rest of the book is full of Hazel mourning Augustus. She loves him. It's a love that she never thought she could have because she is dying, living on borrowed time. Van Houten actually goes to Augustus' funeral and then confront Hazel later. She no longer cares about him. She cherishes the book he wrote but the author is an ass.

The ending was written wonderfully full of great quotes. Augustus sent Van Houten a letter and his ex-assistant sent it to Hazel after Hazel figured out where the missing pages from his journal went. It was a great way to end the book.

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